Welcome to the frequently asked questions area of the website, here the really painful constantly asked questions are responded to in a frank manor, we'd respond to them in a dave manor but that wouldn't make any fucking sense.

WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU DOING HERE?

We're basically running a writing website. Of course there's a theme to the writing but I really can't be arsed explaining that in full here... just have a browse around the website and I'm sure you'll catch the drift of the story.

WHAT'S THIS I'VE HEARD ABOUT NO DEADLINES/SCHEDULES?

When I took some time out of writing I basically weighed up what sort of circumstances I'd be happy with in terms of making a return. I decided I was going to keep asylum running on my own and just write stuff whenever I felt like it, turns out quite a lot of people were interested in this approach and so there's now a team of lazy people writing stuff whenever they feel like it. What this means is that we put out events and other bits of writing whenever we can be arsed and not when someone on a forum somewhere goes "ooh they're really late with such and such this week, perhaps they're going to close the site" as they do. We're basically here to do a bit of writing and have as much fun as possible and not lose sight of the fact that it's just a game and nobody really wants to be up at 3am writing a ten thousand word fight.

WHERE'S ALL THE OLD ASYLUM ARCHIVE STUFF?

It will all go back up under the Old Shit section of the site whenever we get around to reposting it (which is whenever we feel like it, you've probably already noticed but people around here aren't motivated to do things by outside pressure).

SOMEONE ON A FORUM TOLD ME THIS PLACE WAS DEAD.

Yeah... everyone on forums is usually 100% right and everything they say is FACT.

THE WEBSITE IS FUCKING HORRIBLE, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO REDESIGN IT WITH FLASH/3D VIDEOS/SURROUND SOUND?

Never... the website will remain as my horrible and ugly design, if you don't like it then I refer you to article #53 of our user complaints policy.

I'M VERY LAZY AND LETHARGIC, WHERE DO I JOIN?

The Sell Your Soul section of the website should tell you everything you need to know. If the link is down it probably means we're not currently looking to bring people in so you'll have to wait.

WILL YOU MAKE ME SOME POSER/GRAPHICS STUFF?

If you pay me (or Cimon, he does that stuff as well).

WILL YOU DO THE CGI FOR MY SITE?

I won't but Ford will if you pay him.

WILL YOU SUCK MY WILLY?

I won't but Brock will if you pay him.

THE FONT ON THE SITE IS REALLY SMALL AND HARD TO READ, WHAT SHALL I DO?

Get some glasses.

THE WEBSITE DOESN'T DISPLAY PROPERLY IN MY PIECE OF SHIT BROWSER, WHAT SHALL I DO?

Get another browser.

THE SITE IS MESSED UP AT MY RIDICULOUS 640 x 480 RESOLUTION, WHAT SHALL I DO?

Throw your computer out of the nearest window (as you can see, me fixing problems you can fix yourself is not something that will happen regularly).

YOUR WEBSITE IS FULL OF VIOLENT OVER THE TOP INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT YOU SICK BASTARDS.

Thanks... have you read article #53 yet?

• Any other questions?